Is Self-Care Selfish?
Absolutely yes. That is the whole point. Do you deserve it? Again, Absolutely yes.
Self-care often gets painted as a luxury reserved for those with extra time and money, a special treat we indulge in once a month. However, true self-care is much more than that. It relieves us from everyday stresses, terrible bosses, microaggressions, bad boundaries, bills, your mother, your children, that rooster your neighbors have that screams at 5 am on Saturdays, and anything that threatens our peace and pleasure in life. In the United States, we often don't prioritize self-care the way many other cultures do. We lack the built-in practices in modern corporate America that have been part of other societies for centuries. Yet, it's crucial for our well-being.
Self-care can be as simple as taking six minutes in your bathroom to enjoy some chocolate away from your children, going out dancing with your friends, or even having hot morning sex with yourself or a partner. These moments of peace and joy, no matter how small, are worth celebrating and protecting. A study by OnePoll found that 33% of participants considered flossing a form of self-care. While that may not resonate with everyone (for some, like myself, flossing might even provoke anger), the point is that self-care is deeply personal. What brings peace and joy to one person may not do the same for another. Self-care doesn't have to mean an expensive spa day or a lavish vacation, although if you have the means and the time, F*** yes go do that!
As a therapist, self-care isn't just a luxury for me—it's a necessity. It's what allows me to stay calm and present with my clients, ensuring that I can provide them with the best support possible. One of my favorite self-care rituals happens right before I crawl into bed, and it's become a crucial part of my routine for managing back pain and night terrors. After I've finished getting ready for bed, I put on my headphones and cue up a playlist of Lofi beats. I light a candle and then settle onto the floor to stretch. This isn't a structured yoga routine with specific poses; it's more of an intuitive stretching session. I listen to my body and stretch whatever feels tight or in need of release. Sometimes, I end up in positions that might resemble a toddler during nap time at daycare, and that's perfectly fine with me. I can't tell you the names of the stretches I do or how long I spend on each one because I simply go with the flow, stretching for as long as it feels good. This ritual is my way of thanking my body and brain for everything they've endured throughout the day. It's a moment of gratitude and care that sets the tone for a restful night's sleep.
Self-care doesn't have to be complicated or time-consuming. It can be as simple as taking a few moments to stretch and unwind before bed. Whatever form it takes, self-care is essential for everyone, especially those of us who spend our days caring for others. Below are just a few of the ways that others around the world find moments of peace and practice self-care.
Japan: Forest Bathing (Shinrin Yoku)
Immersing yourself in the forest atmosphere isn't about physically bathing; it's about experiencing the forest with all your senses. Since the 1980s, this practice has been a key element of preventive healthcare in Japan. According to a 2001 EPA study, the average American spends 93% of his or her time indoors (and this was before Netflix).
Sweden: Cake and Coffee Break (Fika)
This isn't your typical quick caffeine fix. Fika is a mindset, a vibe, and a tradition, even in settings like the Volvo factory in Sweden, where there's a scheduled afternoon break for coworkers to share a coffee and a snack. What you consume during Fika isn't as crucial as the socializing and camaraderie it fosters.
Finland: Pantsdrunk (Kalsarikänn)
If everything else falls through, you can always enjoy a drink at home, alone, in your underwear (the literal translation of Kalsarikänni), and consider it a form of self-care. The essence of Pantsdrunk is about affordability, comfort, and being true to yourself. It's not necessarily in conflict with hygge or lagom; the shared goal is to find ultimate peace of mind and comfort. Pantsdrunk is about embracing your true desires without guilt.
France: Right to Disconnect
In France, starting January 1, 2017, employees in companies with more than 50 people are legally required not to send or read emails outside of working hours making it illegal to encroach on employees’ personal and family lives with calls and emails. This law, known as the "right to disconnect," follows several studies conducted over the past few years that highlight the negative effects of being unable to switch off after work. One study from mid-2016, often cited, revealed that emailing during non-working hours can lead to emotional exhaustion and anticipatory stress, ultimately resulting in burnout. (Keep in mind that self-care can also be things you don’t do as well, like not checking your phone during dinner or not talking about work when your out with your friends.) Good boundaries are self-care!
Reflection Questions:
What are moments of self-care you do for yourself?
Can you squeeze in a couple more moments of peace into your day?
Are there self-care moments you practice with a parter/s or family?