Navigating the Historical Void in American Sex Ed
'“Sex education that only focuses on the dangers of unprotected sex is like a culinary school that only focuses on the dangers of undercooked chicken”
- Eric Sprankle PsyD
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to those awkward days of high school, where the mere mention of 'sex ed' could turn a classroom into a symphony of nervous laughter. Picture this: a grumpy gym teacher wielding a banana, attempting to demystify the complexities of putting on a condom, while the spectrum of student reactions ranged from amusement to sheer horror.
I can still hear the inquisitive kid in class, bravely venturing into the unknown by questioning the mysteries of body hair down there. And, of course, who could forget the sage wisdom from the back row, declaring that the purpose of such hair was simply 'to keep it warm!' That unexpected proclamation became a running joke, a comedic relief that lingered in our conversations long after those 'sex ed' sessions in our Montana school district.
Yet, let's be honest – what our district labeled as 'sex ed' was a far cry from a comprehensive exploration of human sexuality. It left us with more questions than answers, creating an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty around the very subject it was supposed to demystify. I can't recall much beyond that, as the fear of asking further questions and the intimidation surrounding the prospect of sex was paralyzing.
Fortunately, my journey was cushioned by the privilege of having sexually liberated parents. Their openness and willingness to discuss some of these topics filled in a few of the gaps left by our school system, allowing me to make smarter and more enjoyable choices with sex. As I reflect on those formative years, I can't help but appreciate the vital role parents can play in fostering a healthy understanding of sexuality.
Here is an exploration of why, over the years, American sex education has seemingly overlooked a crucial conversation – the realm of pleasure beyond penetration and protection.
The Silent Symphony of Ignorance (Pre-20th Century)
Back in the day, sex education was as elusive as a unicorn sighting. Parents, choosing the "hush-hush" approach, left inquisitive minds to glean information from whispers, rumors, and perhaps a clandestine stash of magazines. Amidst the secrecy, the nuances of pleasure beyond the act itself remained unspoken.
The Roaring Twenties: A Time of Liberation (Not in the Classroom)
The Jazz Age ushered in jazz, flappers, and a newfound sense of freedom. However, the formal education system lagged behind, and discussions about the birds and the bees did not extend to the diverse landscape of pleasure. Even the roaring success of The Great Gatsby failed to echo the hushed tones of intimate pleasure.
The Baby Boom and the Reluctant Introduction to Sex Ed (1940s-1950s)
Post-war prosperity led to a baby boom, prompting parents to realize they needed help explaining the origins of these bundles of joy. Yet, the introduction of sex education remained hesitant and, unfortunately, tended to sidestep conversations about the multitude of pleasures beyond mere reproduction.
The Swinging Sixties and the Pill
The revolutionary '60s, marked by free love and tie-dye, brought with it the birth control pill. While love permeated the air, sex education struggled to find its rhythm. Amidst the mixed messages, the educational discourse largely ignored the myriad pleasures that could unfold beyond the traditional script.
The '80s and '90s: Abstinence-Only Takes Center Stage
Cue the dramatic music as the era of abstinence-only education dawned. The Reagan administration advocated a "just say no" approach, relegating pleasure discussions to the shadows. Condoms became contraband, and the classroom omitted the vibrant hues of pleasure outside the binary of abstinence.
The 2000s – A (Slightly) More Informed Era
As the new millennium emerged, a collective realization arrived that abstinence-only education was incomplete. Comprehensive sex education gained traction, but the emphasis was still on safety rather than the diverse spectrum of pleasures awaiting exploration.
The Modern Era – Embracing the Awkward with Caution
Today, sex education in America is gradually shedding its awkward past. While strides are being made towards inclusivity, topics like consent and healthy communication are finding their way into the curriculum. However, the conversation about pleasures beyond penetration remains cautiously tiptoed around. We lack information about sex while in a wheelchair, intersex anatomy and pleasure, top surgery changing breast sensation, sex by oneself, Asexual people, sex while fat, and so much more. While I understand that this ocean of information is endless, providing access and a guide to learn more can go a long way in liberating teens as they become more sexually liberated adults. After all, understanding our bodies should encompass the full spectrum of joyful experiences.
So where do we find better sex and intimacy education for kids and young adults?
Here are some resources for navigating the blind spots of American sex education. . . .
Sex ed For Social Change: https://siecus.org/homeschool-style-sex-ed-resources/
Here you can find resources for homeschooled kids or even just adding to the sex education your kids are already getting in school. There are also opportunities to get involved in the organization.
American Sexual Health Organization: https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/parents/
This is a great resource for starting the conversation with kids and teens. Not only does it help with topics of conversation it is also a great support system for you as you answer all the awkward, strange, and amazing questions your kids may have and you might learn a thing or two also!
Amaze: https://amaze.org/what-is-amaze/
Amaze offers sex and intimacy education for all ages in over 20 different languages! It helps build skills for parents and caregivers to feel more confident in talking to their kids about sex and intimacy. This site also includes tons of short videos to help kids better understand their bodies and their identities.
Reflection Questions:
Discuss with a friend or partner(s) what was your sex education like? Ask them about theirs.
What do you wish you learned?
What did you learn from friends or parents?
Have any funny sex education stories to tell?